2:30 a.m.

Dogs asleep. Chihuahua snores. Protests from an aging refrigerator.

Can’t breathe.

Sad. Mother’s Day looming. Sorrow, so much sorrow. They – mother, grandmother, dear friends- walked in my dreams last night. Doing everyday things, never seeing me.

Conflicted. Logic versus longing. Do we truly learn and refine our behaviors? Am I a fool to believe? Yet, if I speak truth to one who questions, is it hypocrisy to disbelieve their words? Circle yes if you love me, as is?

Exhausted. Death of young and old, long past and recent. Damaged belief in ability to discern authentic versus fabricated. Aftermath of frantic late night workout to meet daily goals.

Charmed. Despite insecurities, past actions, and logic. Wouldn’t life be less messy alone, more orderly and predictable? Perhaps. Of course order has never been my priority. Life’s messy exuberance enthralls me.

This Moment. What is wanted? What is needed?

Must Remember: Need versus want. Sleep.

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